Why I don’t “f4f”:

F4f, more commonly seen/used on Instagram, but may be used on other social media platforms, is a waste of time. Allow me to elaborate.

When it is used with friends/people you actually know in real life it can be great. You can follow your friend and they can follow you and that’s basically how Facebook works with friend requests being a mutual exchange of “Hey, you can access my stuff and I can access yours too!” You get value from it because you like and enjoy your friends content.

However, when f4f is requested on Instagram by a stranger? I find it to be rude.

I had someone start following my account, then they sent me a f4f message. I responded back because I’m not a savage, and told them that sorry, I do not do f4f. You know what they did? Immediately stopped following me!

The takeaway there is that they didn’t follow my account for the content, they clearly couldn’t give a shit less, they simply wanted to garner more followers on their own account.

Why does that matter though? If you are trying to boost your numbers up for the sole purpose of making it look like more people are following you? That’s sad. It really is. Why does that matter if people are only following your account and you are only following theirs to boost your ranking? What’s the point in that?

It is the same concept making a car purchase of a model that you think is ugly, but it’s really popular, for the sheer status of it.

Trying to keep up with the Joneses is not what people are truly trying to do. I think people are trying to appear better than the Joneses. “Look at me, look at me! I don’t have control of my own life and let this fake persona rule me so others might possibly find me better than them!” It’s false, it’s disingenuous, and frankly it’s horseshit.

I do not spend a lot of time on social media. I hop on when I am alerted that someone has messaged me, then spend a few moments browsing the first few items on my feed, or I specifically look up a page when I am thinking of someone. I own my time. I don’t let others dictate it.

So, no, I will not f4f and if you don’t want to follow me because I won’t follow you back? Well, na, na, na, na, na to you too. *eyeroll* I think if this is something you do, you should truly rethink what you’re doing with your time and probably also with your life. Maybe reevaluate your priorities. Food for thought.

I do my best not to judge people as I frankly find it is insulting to not accept people for who they are. I do my best to relate to people from a place of compassion (even if you are batshit crazy, I wouldn’t think lesser of you for it) and have said multiple times that both a blessing and a curse for me is that I quite often see multiple sides to opposing viewpoints even if I agree more heavily in one direction or another. A lot of that has to do with respect and realizing that your fellow humans are doing the best they can. Every one of us wants to be loved and free of suffering.

To be clear, I don’t hold myself up to be perfect, I let go of the idea of perfectionism a LONG time ago and my life has been a lot better for it.

I feel like way too often people get swept up in this idea of how they think the world expects them to be and they try to tailor themselves to that. They try to fit in and be “normal”. They let the world change them. Sometimes that is a necessary evil, such as not saying what actually comes to mind when asked certain questions during interviews and being tactful in the way you respond, but sometimes you need to realize that you are ultimately the one who lives with you. You are the one that needs to be comfortable with the choices you have made in your life.

It is not you versus the world. It is the you of yesterday versus the you of today versus the you of tomorrow. You are your only competition. No one else. You need to live with you. Why not make yourself the best version of you that you can?

I limit the amount of social media people I follow to those that I feel feature quality content that I find inspiring. I have ownership over what I allow into my life. I am not following the herd for the sake of following the herd.

Take back ownership of your own life.

Don’t f4f unless you find the content the other person posts about relevant to you.

Do you really want to spend an extra ten minutes wading through posts you don’t care about to get to ones you do? No? Then only make time for what is important to you.

I definitely do and that is why I don’t f4f.

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